after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
