my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
