Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
