I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
