I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
