Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
