some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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