I haven't been this sober since birth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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