Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
