In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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