are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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