Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
