if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
