the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
