Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
