I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
