at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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