You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
