talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
