I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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