It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
