I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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