Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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