if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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