Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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