you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
