i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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