$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
