Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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