Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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