i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
