She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
