Buhtt sex?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
