where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
