if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
