Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
