I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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