I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
