we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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