I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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