Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Less talking, more tequila
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
