i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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