i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
