fuck your aforementioned shoe
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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