Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
