My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
