We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
