I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
