whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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