U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
