Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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