just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
