Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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