She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
