Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize