Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
