when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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