He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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