My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
