i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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