david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
