Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
