So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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