R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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