She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
