Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
