like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
