I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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