I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize