if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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