I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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