i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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