so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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