I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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