a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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