i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
