Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
