Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I just sharted jello shots
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