Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
