your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This toilet bowl is my home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
