I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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