So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
