I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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