i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
